She went from this:
To this:
By Elizabeth Eun
Top photograph by Eric Sueyoshi
Nearly every female, at one point, has thought: “If I were a male, life would be so much easier.” But would it? That’s exactly what Helie Lee, the author of Still Life With Rice and In the Absence of the Sun, set out to discover when she crossed gender lines to experience life as a man. After chopping off her hair, stuffing her briefs, donning tank tops and flannel shirts, lifting weights and screaming until her voice was deepened and raw, Lee spent six months living as “Harry,” a 25-year old man who bounces between the worlds of masculine sports and the Playboy Mansion. Her goal: to prove that men do have it easier. Instead, the role-playing experiment changes Lee’s entire worldview. Today, the transformation is documented in Macho Like Me, a surprisingly hilarious but introspective film that combines footage of Lee’s one-woman show with clips of her life as Harry. The Los Angeles-based Lee talks to KoreAm about her gender-bending documentary, which will screen this month at the San Diego Asian Film Festival.
Who does this documentary speak to?
I think everyone can relate, whether you’re older, younger; Caucasian, Asian; gay, straight; guy, girl. Everyone can relate to gender issues, and wonder what it’s like to be somebody else.
Unfortunately, most people thought Harry was a gay man or lesbian woman—which goes to show how hard it is “cross over.” What else was difficult about the process?
As a woman, communication is readily available through mothers, sisters, girlfriends. Eye contact, exaggerated facial expressions, smiling as much as I want—those things were difficult to do while trying to pass as a straight man. As an Asian American single woman, I’ve experienced sexism, racism and male chauvinism, but as a guy, it was the first time I ever felt suppressed. That was a big epiphany for me; men aren’t as free as I thought they were. Not as liberated, not as joyful. It’s actually much better being a female!
In the documentary, you admit that male life felt suffocating.
It was tough, and I was definitely humbled. I don’t ever want to do it again, but I’m glad that I did it and can share what I know. Women write to me and say that [the project’s message] saved their marriage.
After you resurfaced as a woman, you had a completely changed view on men and relationships. How else did this experiment change you?
It changed my destiny. I know it sounds silly, but it made me the best woman I ever dreamed of becoming. I don’t think my heart would have been capable of accepting love, especially from a man. This experience allowed me to open my heart, and I ended up meeting the perfect man for me—not the perfect man, but the perfect man for me. Now, I’m married with twins.
This entire project came about because you were frustrated with parental pressure to wed and pro-create. Any advice for people with the same Asian parent problems?
[Laughs.] You know, I thank God for my parents. They turned out to be the stars of the documentary. Really, thank God for Asian parents because they never give up on us. And now that I’m a mother, I get it.
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Macho Like Me, a documentary film by Helie Lee, is screening October 23 and October 26 as part of the San Diego Asian Film Festival. For more information, visit www.sdaff.org.
