“The worst song of the year.” –Time Magazine
“Offensive or just awful?” – E!
“What the hell did I just watch?” –Angry Asian Man
The guys who brought us Rebecca Black’s “Friday” are back and have unleashed a song that may very well beat their first viral phenomenon. Alison Gold is the face of this new troll video “Chinese Food” where she sings about her love for, you guessed it, Chinese food.
The video combines the poor musical abilities of “Friday,” more than a handful of racist stereotypes, and lyrics that leave you wondering what sort of condition the creators may have been in while writing this trainwreck.
The music video was only released yesterday and it has already logged over one million views. It also has over four times as many dislikes than likes, but we have a feeling the producers don’t really mind that. Will it be able to beat its predecessor’s 60 million views? Time will only tell.
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If you can endure watching the whole thing through, you may find yourself asking a lot of questions by the end of it. Why are there so many rainbows? Why is a 12-year-old singing about clubbing? Why on earth is there a giant panda bear?
Clearly, Ark Music Factory wanted to test out just how many inappropriate stereotypes they could fit in a tween pop song. As Angry Asian Man points out, “Mongolian barbecue, hot sauce, geishas and an extremely creepy panda man flying away on rainbow power. As you can see, you don’t need scantily clad women to exoticize and objectify Asians — kids can get in on the racist fun too!”
If you absolutely cannot bring yourself to watch the whole thing though, Time Magazine did a lovely breakdown of the entire video:
0:16: Now we see our protagonist, Alison Gold, who sing-songily describes her average day of bowling, clubbing, hugging and being hungry. She’s basically your average 13-year-old.
0:59: It appears as though “chow-m-m-m-m-mein” is something of a catch phrase for Gold, almost like R. Kelly’s “toot-toot” and “beep-beep” from “Ignition (Remix).” The first time she says it, she makes it rain; the second time, she brushes her shoulders off (always good to see the next generation paying homage to hip-hop greats like Weezy and Jay).
1:45: Now here’s where things take a turn for the even weirder. Gold’s fortune cookie says, “You will find a new friend.” So she turns around and sees a person sitting at a table by themselves, wearing a panda suit. The panda gets a fortune that reads, “You will find a new friend too,” which makes even less sense once you think about it. Also, options if you’re a young girl sitting by yourself in a restaurant and someone in a panda costume is staring at you:
1. Call your parents
2. Call the police
3. Not this…
2:12: Things seemed to be going well in the park, so Gold decides to bring the panda home to play Monopoly with her friends (kids playing Monopoly in 2013 has to be the most unrealistic part of this video, if every trend piece of the last five years is to be believed). That’s when we get the big reveal…
2:13: The panda is Patrice Wilson! He also “loves Chinese food, and some wonton soup,” the latter of which would be covered under the Chinese food pronouncement, but let’s not focus on that too much. He is apparently crushing a group of pre-teen girls in a game of Monopoly and Gold seems none too pleased about it.
Read the entire breakdown on Time Magazine‘s official website.
