Millennial Love Column: She’s Just Not That Into You


You may be familiar with the popular 2009 rom-com He’s Just Not That Into You. Basically, the film taught us that a) Ben Affleck is absolute perfection, and b) there are very clear signs that indicate whether or not a guy is interested in you. One of the characters, Alex, very bluntly explains to Ginnifer Goodwin’s romantically naïve Gigi that if a guy wants to see you, he will make it happen. If he doesn’t contact you, then cue the film title.

Now I don’t know about you, but while Alex was confidently doling out this bit of advice, I caught myself rolling my eyes a little. Don’t get me wrong – what he said wasn’t untrue. I just couldn’t help but roll my eyes because I have personally come across waaay more men who are so determined to get a girl, they not only ignore subtle rejection hints, they’ll drunkenly keep pursuing you at a bar even after you tell them you’re not interested for the umpteenth time.

So since there’s an entire film dedicated to showing the various ways men reject women, let’s turn the tables, shall we? Fellas, if you happen to come across any of these signs, then I hate to break it to you, but she’s just not that into you.

(And ladies, if you’re trying to get that guy, or gal, to leave you alone at the bar, try the following techniques.)




1. The “Save Me” Look
We women utilize the “save me” look most often on the dance floor. Of course, men usually don’t see this look because rather than actually asking a girl to dance, the go-to method these days is to simply go up behind a girl and inch your way forward. Well, when you do this oh-so-romantic move, you probably don’t catch her giving the wide-eyed “save me” look to one of her friends. Instead, all you’ll see is her friend pulling her away or intercepting.

Now at a bar, you may actually be able to get the hint and leave before you make her uncomfortable enough to resort to the “save me” look. The key is to try to remember that if we’re interested in you, we would definitely pay attention to you. Our eyes wouldn’t desperately scan the room to find a friend to save us.

2. She’s Not Texting You Back
So you managed to get a girl’s number, but she barely responds to you. At one point, she may just stop responding altogether. Now some of you, the determined ones, will come up with reasons on her behalf. You’ll think she probably didn’t have reception all day. She probably didn’t check her phone since she was at work. Or maybe her dog ate her phone.

Now the crazy thing is, you may be right. You may actually be in pursuit of a woman who is bad at texting back. For most of you, though, those excuses sound like, well, excuses. In this day and age, people are practically attached to their phone, so if she happens to miss your calls and texts for an entire week, you probably want to rethink your pursuit.

3. She Abruptly Leaves Chats
Maybe texting didn’t work. So you added her on Facebook and now you spend your nights waiting until she signs onto Facebook chat, you big creeper you. Well, lucky for you, these conversations can tell you a lot.

If she’s taking time out of her night to talk to you, obviously this is a good sign. But one very obvious way to tell she isn’t interested is if she coincidentally has to sign off every single time you start talking to her. Can your timing really be that bad? Deep down inside we both know she’s signing off chat because she doesn’t want to engage in a conversation with you, but she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Go ahead and spare yourself the awkward interaction. Wait until she starts the chat with you first.

4. She Emphasizes Your FRIENDship
When you like someone, hearing the word “friend” can cut deep. Girls are aware of this. So when she emphasizes your friendship, she’s not trying to purposely hurt you. In fact, she’s trying to do the opposite. She’s trying to make you understand that she views you solely as a friend so that you don’t move forward and end up getting hurt. Trust me, it may sting to be called “a really good friend,” but this is a lot better than being led on. Now if you ignore this hint and move forward anyway, she may be forced to say you’re “just like an older brother.” Ouch.

5. She Talks to You About Another Guy
If she’s talking to you about a guy she likes, that probably means that you actually are a good friend of hers and she may not realize that you have feelings for her. Luckily, this conversation can spare you some heartache. If we say we like someone else right now, we genuinely mean it. We’re not trying to Jedi-mind-trick you into asking us out.



I know hints may be hard to accept when you really want someone, but there’s a line between romantic persistence and simply disrespecting how a woman feels (or doesn’t feel) about you. Make it simple. Ask her straight out whether or not she’s interested. Most likely, you’ll get a straightforward response.

In the film version, know-it-all Alex says that if a guy wants to see a girl, he will make it happen. Well, we live in a new decade, buddy. If a girl wants it to happen, you’ll know. If she doesn’t, you’ll know even more.

And if you’re one of those guys who goes through life thinking all girls want you and are just playing “hard to get,” then go ahead and get used to having drinks thrown in your face because I foresee a lot of that happening in your future.

I’m just kidding. Kinda.


This story was originally published in our Winter 2014-15 issue. Get your copy here.